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| the contrast of life and death. ezra smiling in the melbourne cemetary. this gives us some perspective on the fragility, the preciousness of having a child. |
one of the things that has surprised me since ezra's birth is seeing jane being a mum. now that doesn't sound very amazing, but just step back a minute and think of this. when i married jane, yes, i had a pretty good idea of who she was, her background, her passions, even her ability to connect with people and love them in a costly way. but i had never seen her with her own baby, or even really with anyone else's baby very much. there was this whole side of her that i had no idea about.
then, when ezra was born -- BAM! -- suddenly this whole amazing side of jane's personality sprung into being. one moment she's straining under the pressure of bringing ezra into the world, the next moment she's holding him so gently in her arms looking into his eyes. the next moment she is feeding him with nourishment that only she can provide. nourishment that is costly. (feeing ezra robs her of sleep, it saps her physical energy, it makes her thirsty and hungry, it's socially awkward in some places, it's the reason for leaking, you need special clothes, etc.) but jane embraced all this in order to love ezra.
what i'm saying is this -- one of the most joyful and special aspects of becoming a father has been simply seeing this new caring-mother side of jane emerge out into the light. these qualities lay dormant in her -- probably grown and watered from a very young age, with the godly influence of women around her like her own mum. but it wasn't until she actually had a child of her own that the glory and honour of caring so 100% for another helpless and tiny human being could actually be seen.
and i see these qualities more than anyone else! there is no one else around at 3am -- except us three -- when ezra wakes up, hungry and thirsty and needing a nappy change. when i see jane rub her eyes with fatigue because she's just been up between 11:30pm and 1:30am feeding him and helping him settle again. nobody else sees her head slouching forward, her eyes closing again with tiredness as ezra feeds, at first ferociously, but then slowing down gradually until he's finally only making the occasional lightweight suck while actually being asleep. this is my privilege -- the incredible awesome sight of such love, such dedication, such devotion to another human's wellbeing at personal cost.
at times being a mum can be isolating, lonely and incredibly restrictive -- or at least that's how it can feel. but being a mother carries such glory, such responsibility, such honour, such privilege.
jane will be one of the most influential people in little ezra's life. what an awesome task - filled with the potential for such joy (and sorrow). i have already seen in his first 3 months the powerfully positive influence of jane on ezra. nobody who's met him has missed his smile (unless, of course, he's been sleeping). where does his smile come from? well, jane is always smiling at him, saying kind and gentle words to him, showing him the world from a safe embrace. this smiling, this contentedness is a product of the way she is moulding him and shaping him into being a little boy who loves life!
and ezra's becoming quite a talker! he expresses himself through proto-words and sounds. we struggle to grasp what he's meaning, but we can get it most of the time. this expressiveness, this ability and comfort with saying it like it is -- this comes from watching and interacting with his mum. what a wonderful gift she is giving to him -- the freedom to express his emotions through words and body language. so many young (and older) men today are hamstrung by the inability to either (a) understand what they're feeling, or (b) express it. how many marriages suffer because "he just won't talk!"? i think the influence of this godly mother will be a blessing to any future relationship ezra will have.
so many women yearn for a child -- whether they are married or not. so many women desperately want to have "a child of my own." but they cannot. either their life situation has not permitted it, or there is some preventing issue biologically. with this in mind, what a wonderful privilege it is indeed to be a wife and a mother! what a joy that this little child has been born into a secure covenant of marriage where mother and father are both present, both interested in parenting, both committed to the wellbeing of each other and their son, both with eyes focused on christ jesus. jane is a pillar in this family -- a tower of strength sustained by god. (how sad it was to see that single father on TV whose girlfriend left him shortly after their daughter's birth! what a void she left!).
jane, simply by her faithfulness, her constant presence in ezra's life, her love for me -- by these things she is an integral part of sustaining this secure and safe environment for ezra to grow up in. this is something only she can do.
yet another glorious and honourable thing that jane does as mum is to look after ezra in order to free me to serve others. this enabling ministry, this giving-so-that-others-can-give is so strategic, but so unseen, so hidden. who sees jane when i'm at cross cultures interacting with international students about the gospel of jesus? nobody. who sees jane when i'm meeting one-on-one with a student at melbourne univeristy? nobody. who sees the cost of hours with a crying or hungry or pooey baby when i'm running a bible study? nobody. but it's because of those hours and that patience and that self-giving that i can do those things. that is noble. that is honourable.
in fact, that "hiddenness" is in many ways more admirable than any up-front or public ministry. wasn't it jesus in matthew 6 who commended secrecy as something that our heavenly father smiles upon and values? "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." a lot of being a mum is done in secret. behind closed doors. in the dead of night. others do not see, but our heavenly father sees the love that jane is pouring out for ezra and for me.
let me reflect a bit more on noble character.
a wife of noble character who can find? she is worth far more than rubies. her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
"full confidence" -- when i think about this, it's actually true. when have i walked out of the house or away from jane and ezra worried about ezra? i have never yet had the thought that jane is somehow inadequate for ezra to provide for him. i have full confidence in her. i have 0% anxiety about his needs being met while in her care.
she selects wool and flax and works eagerly with her hands... she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks... in her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
this woman, and this mum, are industrious. months before ezra was born jane set out to make cloth nappies. now, it's a challenge enough just to use cloth nappies, but she was committed to making her own! you have no idea how much effort is involved -- from selecting the pattern; trying out various ones to make sure you know what you're doing; selecting and ordering the fabrics, clips, liners, inserts online; vigorously cutting out the patterns; fighting with the sewing machine with eager hands and fingers to join fabrics of different elasticity; clipping the snaps on with strong arms. wow! and all this effort in order to be more friendly to the earth and more economical!
she gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
"she provides food for her family"! -- that's exactly what jane's doing at 11:00pm, 1:30am, 3:00am, 7:00am -- and all through the day. and in the dark -- when most others are sleeping and being rejuvenated. she is rejuvenating her son at personal cost to herself. that is noble!!
she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also and he praises her.
ezra will do this. he will call her blessed. he will come to recognise what his mother has done for him. he will understand something of the cost of being a mum, and he will be thankful. and not only ezra, but i too call her blessed and praise her. the qualities that i am seeing in her motherhood are noble, honourable, a delight to behold.
and on top of all this is the joy that jane herself takes in being a mum! when i see her smile at ezra, or talk gently to him, or play with him, or bath him, or gently feed him -- these are precious mental photos that i am storing in my mind.
many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.
